My sweet Peanut. Two and a half years ago this little spit-fire came in to the world 3 weeks early. I was terrified as we drove to the hospital at 3:00am. I had gone in to labor and had no idea what was going to happen. Because of Monkey’s size and birthing situation, we had decided to do a c-section with Peanut as well. When I went in to labor I realized very quickly that I was unprepared and also had no control whatsoever. We had Monkey loaded up and a dear friend met us at the hospital to take him for the rest of the night and morning. We called my mom and she got in the car and came up.
That day in July he completed our family. We loved him instantly and his big brother adored him instantly. We have pictures of Monkey holding him and he was so happy.
At 8 pounds 3 ounces he was tiny compared to Monkey who was 10 pounds 5 ounces. He also had some issues gaining weight and was jaundice. We had to take a light blanket home with us for the first week. We had weekly appointments with the doctors to check his weight. It was a frustrating and stressful first 9 months as it took that long for him to finally gain weight. During that time all I could do was love him, give him the best of me and pray that he would be ok. Thankfully he developed on schedule, just couldn’t gain weight. Again, I felt like I had no control those first 9 months.
Peanut was very much like Monkey in that from the very beginning he listened to country and Christian music instead of lullabies. The song I sang was a promise I made daily to this sweet Peanut.
The song is I’ll Be (Affiliate Link) by Reba McEntire.
‘I’ll Be’
When darkness falls upon your heart and soul.
I’ll be the light that shines for you.
When you forget how beautiful you are
I’ll be there to remind you.
When you can’t find your way,
I’ll find my way to you.
When troubles come around,
I will come to you.
I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I’ll be there to carry you.
I’ll be there.
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there’s nobody else around.
I’ll be.
And when you’re there with no one there to hold.
I’ll be the arms that reach for you.
And when you feel your faith is running low.
I’ll be there to believe in you.
When all you find are lies.
I’ll be the truth you need.
When you need someone to run to.
You can run to me.
I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I’ll be there to carry you.
I’ll be there.
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there’s nobody else around.
I’ll be.
I’ll be the sun.
When your heart’s filled with rain.
I’ll be the one.
To chase the rain away.
I’ll be your shoulder when you need someone to lean on.
Be your shelter.
When you need someone to see you through.
I’ll be there to carry you.
I’ll be there.
I’ll be the rock that will be strong for you.
The one that will hold on to you.
When you feel that rain falling down.
When there’s nobody else around.
I’ll be.
I’ll be.
At two and a half, he is still the little spit-first he was when he was born. He has us on our toes and at our wits end on a daily basis. We’ve been to the ER for stitches already and have had more head bonks than I care to think about. I wouldn’t change a thing about this little one and I pray he never changes; well, I’ll admit a little less sassiness would be ok on some days. But then he bats those long lashes, that only boys seem to have, and says something sweet like ‘I love you, momma’ and you forget about the sassy.
Though he really has never known any different there are times I feel the stress of Monkey’s diabetes when I care for Peanut. I think that is why this songs reminds me of him so much and is my pledge to Peanut. Although a lot of time is given to his brother’s health he will always be a priority to us and I will always be there when needed.
It’s all under control, just not by me. Peanut is in control at times and that’s ok with me.