It’s been a rough 2 weeks for both Monkey and Peanut so I’m taking a week off from the Song Series. Mostly just to get some frustrations out.
Monkey had his 3-month check up a week ago and it was the first time I was devastated to hear we are doing everything right. The devastation came because although our doctor has said we are doing everything we can for Monkey, his body is telling a different story through his blood sugar and A1C. When we discuss options there is nothing more we can do but adjust insulin and wait for his body to respond. I have no control and currently I’m so tired that thinking about that lack of control is super frustrating to me. I try not to show my frustration to Monkey so he doesn’t get frustrated too.
The day of his appointment I left work early. Monkey hadn’t felt good and I’d been up most of the night. My parents were on their way up and I just wanted to get home and take a short nap. I got home and as soon as I walked in the door I could tell Monkey was feeling awful. As Cory told me he had blood coming out of his ear I knew we had to take him back in to the doctor. So, adrenaline kicked in and we went to the doctor to find out that, since our visit on Wednesday, he had developed a bulging membrane in his ear which was causing excruciating pain and causing the skin to stretch and bleed. Thankfully it wasn’t an issue with the eardrum. He was put on medicine and although he was tired he started to feel better after a few hours.
The Sunday my parents left Peanut started to look like he didn’t feel well, glassy eyes and a mild fever. When I got home on Monday his upper body was covered in a rash. After a trip to urgent care, it was confirmed he had strep throat. UGH! So on medicine he went.
In my head I can logically tell myself that Monkey is growing, has had a head cold and had a double ear infection that is requiring medication. All of these things can affect his blood sugar in a way that leaves us without control. I can also tell myself that strep throat isn’t the worst thing and with proper medication Peanut’s well on the mend. But my heart aches that I can’t control this and fix it for them instantly or better yet, prevent it from happening.
For the most part, we do not allow the use of the word ‘hate’ in our family. There are 2 things you are allowed to hate and they are cancer and diabetes. Even with that I try not to use the word and remind myself that as one of my best friends tells me (repeatedly) ‘We got this.’ Diabetes is a frustrating disease and there are few things actually in our control and most days I can accept that but then we have weeks like this with 4 doctor appointments and not the best news and I find myself in the car driving home crying.
I know this is just a phase for Monkey’s diabetes and both boys will start feeling better.
But at the moment I HATE DIABETES!
It’s all under control, just not by me. At this moment, diabetes and germs are in control.