It has been a while since I blogged and instead of trying to make New Years Resolutions that I never seem to keep I’m just going to try an say I will try to get 52 blog posts out this year. I thought about trying for one post a week but here we are at the beginning of the 3rd week in 2018 and I’m just now finishing my first post. This year I’m also trying something a little different, I’ve become an independent consultant for Origami Owl. These ‘Living Lockets’ can tell a story and I plan to incorporate a story with each of my posts. I will not be doing high pressure sales but if you see something you like or would like to look around you can always visit my website: http://annemariemart.in/.
There are so many days I wonder if I’m doing this homeschool and mom thing right. Are they learning enough? Are we keeping them involved enough outside of the house? Did I just scar my little Peanut because I had to raise my voice for what felt like the 300th time to tell him to stop jumping on the dog or stop touching something? There are a lot of nights I wake to check Monkey’s blood sugar and then am unable to go back to sleep because there are a million thoughts like that running through my head. I pray nightly for God to give me the strength and wisdom to do the best I can.
Then over the last few months, the following have occurred:
- Several months ago the weather was amazing so we took the boys out for a nature field trip. We went to a little picnic area by the river and took pictures and just walked around for a while. We talked about the leaves and the colors and had a great afternoon. On the drive home both boys said this was the best day. I love that they both appreciate the little things and spending time with family.
- The boys are now taking showers by themselves with very little help from me. The other night I went in to put Monkey’s pajamas on the counter, I walk in and he didn’t hear me. I walk in to him singing a song he’s made up. I didn’t catch all of the words but the following were repeated several times: ‘God is good. God is in my heart. He’s stronger than the monsters…..’ It went on for about 10 minutes and the passion in his singing was amazing. My heart was in awe of this little 6 year old’s passion for God.
- Then one night as I put Peanut to bed after a particularly difficult day with him, he is definitely a free spirit and that is hard for this control freak momma, we are laying in his room and he takes my hand and says ‘you’re the best momma ever.’ So I guess he wasn’t too scarred by what feels like non-stop corrections to his behavior throughout the day.
- Monkey and I have been struggling to find ways for him to enjoy reading. He will listen to me read with no problem but when it comes to him trying he struggles. I know it is his fear of not being perfect, and he definitely comes by it naturally, he doesn’t want to try and then be wrong. I think we have found a technique that is working and the other day as we were reviewing our lesson he read some on his own, he did great and the pride on his face was priceless.
I know it is true that a mom is her worst critic. I guess my hope is that they will both know how much they are loved and that sometimes moms have rough days too. And sometimes momma has to say ‘I’m sorry’ too. I know I’m not the only one with these feelings. I had them as a mom working outside of the home just as I have them now staying home with them. That’s why I’m also trying to make sure they know that I’m doing everything I can for them but I do make mistakes and sometimes it’s best if mom’s day starts after her cup of coffee. We talk a lot about doing our best and I make a point of telling them that mom and dad try their best too and everyone makes mistakes and no one is expected to be perfect.
It’s all under control, just not by me. We each have a little input at this point but God has the control.